To See Where I Am

The Lifebringers 2 BEST

To See Where I Am

 

I sketch to see where I am not

And to see where I am

I shrink me down or expand

In color words or sound

 

Before things break up in the map

Panning thoughts that are fool’s gold

I am already gone

Ahead of the dead world closing in

 

But I do not know all of me in silence and sound

Is it the wind that is the color of my beingness

Or am I the atmosphere everywhere

In images that appear and vanish

 

Am I the bear and wolf I painted

Who return standing in my eyes

Just before sleep

Or the giant shadow figure

Standing by the door waiting for me

Are these my thoughts returning

From three thousand years ago

Through beauty relearned

The massive shaman that rises behind me

Is it me Odin’s voice or the stag

Piercing my body

 

Am I the sadness of humanity

Or stone slowly swallowed by this earth

Sinking deeper to become the tumescent skin

Of a great spherical being

 

Am I my own micro cosmos inside time

Time within time

Or the thoughts of someone else’s dream

 

Still my fingers keep on being fingers

Moving along the skin of thin realities

It seems I am never done with myself

 

That which has no name is that me?

If what comes next is nothing what will I call it

 

I feel trees

The bear returns inside me

I think the bear could not be me

Bear thinks I am the same

Bear

 

I get lonely for nature

For things that are not human

 

Sometimes I disappear

And when I return

Part of me is still gone

There are so many pieces of me gone

They only partly remember me

They beckon from great distances

 

They remind me of when a serpent studied me

In a spellbinding it weighed the scales

As I sought healing for another human

And the timeless time when the ancient solar swan

Submitted itself with heat and light

Incubating my formless consciousness

Without visible change I reanimated

 

When part of us changes what’s replaced disappears

Where does it go?  Have you thought about your shadows left behind

Who they are with in what part of the world are these eternal visitors?

Energies interlaced with one another across great distances

Until somethings done about it

Sometimes as a ruminant in the spontaneity

I am the apple orchard of forty five years ago

Sometimes sweet sometimes rotting

Surrounded by salt marshes

The musk of hay and animals

Crows diving through the coastal air

The sea aching in my heart

Who called me to be here?

Who knows me in these many forms

How might I sound to the deities

When many of my words are ghosts

Some freeze in the air some melt in the spring

They might turn in on themselves like rain drops

How are we forged together with the deities

The blueprint of you and I in each other’s lives

Our design surveyed and appraised

 

If I stop questioning these things what will happen?

If I don’t who or what will answer?

Will I know when I become someone

Or something else or will the unconscious reap

Another reward the silent answer is many layered

It has many vibrating membranes for thresholds

Gateways in this body between the eyes

Visionary fragments of the future and otherworlds

At the base of the skull how the mind works

Origins of space and time

Ancient ancestral and primordial memory

In front of the heart the meaning of love

And the unifying principle of the universe

All the kind words that are ever used

 

My body earth is made of earth words

They have bodies of their own that emerge out of the earth

And return to earth as water vapour and animals

They are the cones of evergreens that fertilize fecund earth

My words as I see them now

Are a mask of flowers revealed

They are hives kept in a ceremonial healing blanket

The medicine of foresight for severed dreams

They are thunderbird shields with fertile lightning

There’s an illuminated flash of who I am

Passing across the savannah and under the sea

Inside the blue fir and talking to you and me

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2 thoughts on “To See Where I Am

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